It’s not that
I am sad or want to be gone or want to have pain.
But I have looked at a length of a belt, and snapped the black leather between my palms, and thought of the agony of waiting to cease to be and watching those you love cease to be and thought maybe I can’t handle this– all the waiting and watching and maybe in some ways it would be calmer to ebb away now on my own time.
my own choice instead of waiting to see when I couldn’t have this and them any more and being oh so sad it is ending instead of being able to be present instead of just watching it end.
I am sad or want to be gone or want to have pain.
But I have looked at a length of a belt, and snapped the black leather between my palms, and thought of the agony of waiting to cease to be and watching those you love cease to be and thought maybe I can’t handle this– all the waiting and watching and maybe in some ways it would be calmer to ebb away now on my own time.
my own choice instead of waiting to see when I couldn’t have this and them any more and being oh so sad it is ending instead of being able to be present instead of just watching it end.
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