self-inflicted darkness.

I am feeling quiet.
It is 5:17 am, and I am attempting to reset my sleep schedule by staying awake through the day, and going to bed at a good hour Friday evening. I need to be able to not stay up so late.

It is always dark, you see.

Crazy

Restless restless restless. I like it when the little crazy things become known about a day.
Examples:
I wanted to steal a polar bear.
I cut my finger while trying to make a flashlight out of an Altoid box.
I took photos of ice and light today.
I have to ration my socks to the feet that need them the most.
My room is shrinking.
I only like living alone sometimes.
My car has been starting since my dad came and fixed it.
I went sledding with trash can lids, and was the happiest I have been all day.
My sister sent me a mooning elf and I think she meant 'I love you.'

Some Things Look Pure But Are Not

Me.

School ending.

I am not as motivated as I used to be.
As much as I complain about school, I like the feeling that someone is caring about the state of my mind-- about what and how I am learning.
Perhaps it is merely that I am not as obsessed over this. I am not sure where to go from here-- I am going to be a senior next year-- and you cannot go to school forever. I will probably go to graduate school, or disappear to London. Which has been a mild dream for awhile.
I would like the luxury of this--- painting perhaps and writing light stanzas here and there, living in a shabby flat, and drinking shabby wine, and being utterly unaccountable for anything. Perhaps utterly happy.
I do not like it when people start making your life into a time-line. It is my life, and I prefer not to have a map detailing when and what I should be doing with it.

Mostly, I want to be surprised.

Some Things Look Pure But Are Not

Snow.