I do a kind thing now
when people speak of heavenly things and God and comfort and religion
and I get quiet,
and I smile softly and nod.
I don't reveal things like just maybe it is much simpler
and maybe God is there and maybe God is not.

I am not an angry atheist who has been disillusioned and is determined to take the whole rest of everyone with him. I do not spout scientific theories and facts, ripping apart by force the carefully constructed faith of villages and small churches, or adolescents in freshman year of philosophy class.

No, it is much more personal. I hope maybe that there is something more. I could believe so.
But the nagging back of my mind suspicion says that maybe there is not.

And really-- if you think about it (which-- is that not how we got here?) if I were to pick between a handful of us (because we are and were always the special ones) getting to live forever, while the rest of us were in pain forever--- would not the choice of nothingness suddenly set whatever soul I have, however temporary, at slightly more rest?

Peaceful and blank and maybe not there anymore.
And yes, I have had a good life in that these words as I type them make me tear just a bit. But wouldn't that maybe be nicer than having everything while everyone else has pain?

Didn't I already get that in life, with the abundant blessings I was given?

I let the people who believe, believe.