13. 
    
    I am never raunchy I always
    say the polite thing and make sure the polite feelings
    flicker across my face
    fuck
    I am a deceiver
    I plan it I plan
    the way you will react to my subtleties
    I plan the way you will see me flinch or see the vacant expressions cross my face I plan
    the tiredness and the revolving door slamming in your face
    and the way I shudder away from you or have distance and
    I know if you are smart you will see what I’ve laid out for you
    When really I am just blank and
    the politeness in every fucking day makes me want to
    rip off the heads of magazine people and
    shove their smiles into bottles of empty cola and
    take another shot of whiskey so you can feel like you can finally decode what isn’t there.
    I’m sorry it isn’t and I’d
    try a little harder if I could.