memory

i have been careless with my life.
not necessarily unappreciative of it, but merely careless. Finding pleasure in unnecessary risks, naively embracing the possibility of death without considering the possibility of injury, or the emotional consequences of those who I have somehow been loved by.

recognizing this, this previous carelessness and the mistakes of others, i have a perpetual need to remember and recall the beautiful moments. much like a photographer might miss the actual event by focusing his attentions on capturing it, squinting into a tiny screen while the world flees around him--- i am constantly focused on remembering what i should be feeling rather than simply feeling it.

isn't the loveliest part of memory they way that it surprises you by recording without you knowing it? shouldn't this be pleasure enough?