I need to remember how
I used to make myself numb when I needed to,
When I thought I couldn't have a future
Or didn't know how I could live a life that was mine.

Maybe this is worse now, knowing I will make the one I want,
Just not with the one I want it with.

I need to,
Shut it off,
Shut it down,
Let her go
She
Doesn't want me now. And so I need to forget
The love and vision and hope and possibility.

I need to become numb
And stoic
And not hurt any more.

I did this. I did this.
I know it. I did this and I don't get to try again even though now
I am someone worth trying for.