when you go,

I have not been as prepared

as I should have been.

and all along

I thought the walls

were carefully

(oh so carefully)

put in place.

So now I delicately select

the eye color

that I think this moment should have.

I shape the face on the mannequin.

I push and pull the clay, my hands covered

in

the making.

I wield the tools to gouge the smile, sad and slightly

bent,

maybe upside down.

and now that I have made and created and breathed life into this.

I order the walls to come up and fill the spaces where the clay insisted on

such things as breathing.

and all along, I wanted walls to weigh down

and protect against the things that fly.

and all along all I have ever loved is the idea of wings.